A final exam paper for Professor Linda Hargrove's Intro to Political Theory course was found sitting in the department printer tray outside Room 312 on Tuesday morning. The janitor, Marcus Webb, ran it through the copier by accident while clearing paper jams. When he glanced at the first page, he noticed the student had already filled in answers for questions 1 through 4. It had been printed the night before at 11:47 PM, a time that suggests either dedication or sleep deprivation.
Janitors have better things to do than grade political theory, but here we are.
Hargrove confirmed the answers were correct on 38 of 40 questions. "I'd give this kid an A if I knew who they were," she said, holding the paper up to the fluorescent light as if it might reveal a watermark with a student ID number. The department secretary posted a notice on the bulletin board: "Lost exam paper, Room 312 printer. No name. No course number. Just answers." Three students came forward. None of them recognized the handwriting.
Campus security reviewed hallway footage but the printer area is just outside the camera's blind spot — a fact the facilities committee has been "actively addressing" since 2019. The paper now sits in a manila envelope labeled "UNCLAIMED EXAM" in Hargrove's filing cabinet, between a broken stapler and last semester's attendance roster. The student never came forward. Hargrove gave the paper a 97% anyway, wrote "Anonymous" at the top, and filed it like it's 1999 and the filing system is still manila envelopes.
