Independent Satirical Desk
Latest satirical coverage from the business desk.
2 min readGold prices rose 8% to $2,650 per ounce amid reports of exchanges accepting ripe heirloom tomatoes as collateral. Traders cited distrust in digital currencies, preferring assets that bruise easily.
Elias Crowe / Mar 14, 2026
2 min readThe Assembly approved a universal three-year unpaid internship requirement for job seekers Thursday, citing enhanced candidate maturity. Training includes coffee runs and spreadsheet formatting.
Marcus Hale / Mar 3, 2026
2 min readThe Assembly has unanimously passed legislation designating physical books as official currency, pegged at one hardcover equaling 12 paperbacks. Bookstores report chaos as citizens exchange novels for groceries.
Lila Thorne / Feb 24, 2026
2 min readRecent college graduates, facing a 78% drop in entry-level offers, have blockaded server farms with rented dumpsters, calling for AI to undergo mandatory aptitude tests before screening resumes. (142 characters)
Marcus Hale / Feb 24, 2026
1 min readFirms said teams became dramatically more decisive once every pause was categorized as premium advisory time.
Evan Pike / Feb 12, 2026
1 min readThe company said standing meetings would improve speed, resilience, and visible commitment to quarterly goals.
Dara Finch / Feb 3, 2026