Satirical Bulletin Desk
Wednesday, March 4, 2026
The Productivity Oversight Council has released a 472-page guide on perfecting inaction, complete with timers and certification. Officials report unprecedented compliance rates within hours of launch.
Marcus Quill | Feb 25, 2026
Feuding sisters face off again after a tribunal rules a decisive pie-slice rock-paper-scissors match invalid due to improper hand signals. The rematch is set for Saturday under official supervision. (142 characters)
Eliza Thorne | Feb 25, 2026
City roads see packs of stray dogs roaming freely between 1 and 4 a.m., leading officials to consider a midnight curfew. Drivers report near-misses and unusual barking patterns. (142 characters)
Elena Voss | Feb 25, 2026
A routine HOA meeting devolved into a two-hour argument over resident Carl Hensley’s apron, deemed too self-deprecating by some neighbors. Resolution remains pending after tense vote.
Elena Voss | Feb 24, 2026
Researchers say cats face emotional extinction unless their feeding schedules are increased to seven meals a day.
Lila Grant | Feb 23, 2026
Visitors called the exhibit emotionally precise after spending 90 minutes preparing to view a line from history.
Lila Grant | Feb 8, 2026
Critics hailed the release as a brave statement on attention, tension, and premium subscription discipline.
Marta Ellis | Jan 11, 2026