1 min readculture
Exam Paper Found in Printer Tray Still Has Perfect Score Potential
A final exam paper discovered in the department printer tray scored 97% on the answer key when a janitor accidentally ran it through.
Dale Fenton / Jun 2, 2026
culture
Latest satirical coverage from the culture desk.
1 min read
1 min readculture
Local Council Bans White Sneakers to Curb 'Aggressive Purity' in Public Parks
The municipal code now classifies pristine footwear as a 'public disturbance' after a surge in local scuff-related fights.
Silas Vane / Jun 2, 2026
1 min readculture
City Council Approves Noise Ordinance After 11pm Following Complaints About Man Who Plays Accordion at Bus Stop
Council unanimously passed the ordinance Tuesday after three months of testimony.
Dennis Freiburg / May 30, 2026
2 min readculture
Fabric Fatigue Grips Nation as Clothes Shrink from Sedentary Lifestyles
Officials blame 14-hour daily lounging for trousers shrinking 2.7 inches on average. Starch stations roll out Monday at transit hubs amid alteration backlog.
Eliza Threadwell / Apr 3, 2026
1 min readculture
Local Man Unable to Confirm Which Time Zone Owns His REM Cycle
Arthur Vance’s circadian rhythm now spans three borders he hasn’t crossed. City hall won’t comment.
Silas Rourke / Apr 3, 2026
2 min readcultureBreaking
'Council Unveils Step-by-Step Protocol for Doing Nothing'
The Productivity Oversight Council has released a 472-page guide on perfecting inaction, complete with timers and certification. Officials report unprecedented compliance rates within hours of launch.
Marcus Quill / Feb 25, 2026
2 min readculture
Sister's Rock-Paper-Scissors Defeat Leads to Tribunal-Mandated Rematch
Feuding sisters face off again after a tribunal rules a decisive pie-slice rock-paper-scissors match invalid due to improper hand signals. The rematch is set for Saturday under official supervision. (142 characters)
Eliza Thorne / Feb 25, 2026
2 min readculture
Stray Dogs Take Over Roads After Midnight, Prompting Curfew Talks
City roads see packs of stray dogs roaming freely between 1 and 4 a.m., leading officials to consider a midnight curfew. Drivers report near-misses and unusual barking patterns. (142 characters)
Elena Voss / Feb 25, 2026
2 min readculture
Neighbor’s ‘World’s Okayest Cook’ Apron Sparks Heated Debate at Homeowners Association Meeting
A routine HOA meeting devolved into a two-hour argument over resident Carl Hensley’s apron, deemed too self-deprecating by some neighbors. Resolution remains pending after tense vote.
Elena Voss / Feb 24, 2026
1 min readculture
New Study Finds Cats Require Seven Daily Meals to Maintain Species Morale
Researchers say cats face emotional extinction unless their feeding schedules are increased to seven meals a day.
Lila Grant / Feb 23, 2026
1 min readculture
National Museum Debuts Immersive Queue Experience About Waiting for Culture
Visitors called the exhibit emotionally precise after spending 90 minutes preparing to view a line from history.
Lila Grant / Feb 8, 2026
1 min readculture
Streaming Platform Releases Four-Hour Director's Cut of a Pause
Critics hailed the release as a brave statement on attention, tension, and premium subscription discipline.
Marta Ellis / Jan 11, 2026