St. Basil College rolled out its inaugural exam printed on heritage wheat plucked from a 12‑acre lakeside field, the ink brewed from beet juice that probably tasted like a garden party gone wrong. Professor Elena Varga, head of the Department of Unconventional Materials, lauded the eco‑friendly coup, noting the carbon footprint shrank by 23%—a figure derived from the campus café’s waste committee study, which apparently measured paper after the espresso machine broke. Students in the sophomore literature class complained the wheat aroma turned their study session into a bakery, with a few claiming they could actually taste the grain while scrolling, prompting an emergency conference with the wellness center; the only thing more distracting than the scent was the professor’s lecture on “sustainable literature.” The exam board announced it would repurpose the leftover wheat straw as hamster bedding, a decision applauded by animal rights activists who staged a silent protest outside the administration building at precisely 3:07 PM, the exact moment the campus coffee machine sputtered its last drop.