1 min readpolitics
County Parks Deploys 300 Orange Cones to Demarcate Temporary Refraction Zones
Crews log atmospheric displays using borrowed traffic cones and standard zoning forms.
Frank Voss / Apr 3, 2026
politics
Latest satirical coverage from the politics desk.
1 min read
1 min readpolitics
Municipal Zoning Board Classifies Women’s Book Swaps as Light Industrial Activity
Planners reviewing noise permits for driveway paper exchanges.
Elias Rourke / Apr 3, 2026
2 min readpolitics
Council Chair’s Interview with AI Clone Yields Consensus on All Issues
The Council Chair conducted a 45-minute interview with his newly developed AI clone, resulting in unanimous agreement on budget cuts, urban planning, and cafeteria menu changes. Attendees noted the exchange's eerie efficiency.
Marcus Hale / Mar 31, 2026
2 min readpoliticsBreaking
Premier Grants Exclusive Interview to Pet Goldfish Amid Policy Push
Premier Evelyn Hart fielded questions from her goldfish Bubbles in a 47-minute televised session, covering inflation, trade, and defense. Bubbles responded via bubble patterns at 2:17 p.m. from the official aquarium. (142 characters)
Marcus Hale / Mar 11, 2026
2 min readpolitics
Assembly Passes 'Start Doing Nothing' Initiative Amid Productivity Slump
The Assembly unanimously approved a nationwide program mandating 45 minutes of daily inaction starting Monday, citing neural reset benefits for long-term output. Participation tracked via honor system apps.
Elara Voss / Mar 6, 2026
2 min readpolitics
Continental Assembly Paralyzed by Missing '/start' Command
Delegates waited 52 minutes in the Great Hall as the chair fumbled the electronic voting system's '/start' prompt. IT support arrived with coffee and a USB stick. Normalcy restored via reboot.
Alex Rivera / Mar 4, 2026
2 min readpoliticsBreaking
Council Mandates Sugarcane Juice Dispensers in All Public Offices
The Council has approved installation of sugarcane juice machines across 1,247 public buildings after a trial showed clerks processing 18 forms per hour, up from 12. Rollout starts next week.
Marcus Hale / Feb 26, 2026
2 min readpolitics
Marriage Certificates to Carry Five-Year Expiration Dates
Starting next year, a valid marriage will require a trip to a state-approved kiosk and a digital stamp of approval every five years. Officials call it a 'relationship subscription.'
Mira Lang / Feb 25, 2026
1 min readpoliticsBreaking
City Declares Emergency Meeting to Decide Whether to Call an Emergency Meeting
City officials scheduled an urgent 7:30 a.m. session Tuesday to determine whether circumstances warrant holding an emergency meeting.
Maren Hollis / Feb 24, 2026
1 min readpolitics
City Opens "Temporary Office" to Permanently Discuss Office Space
City officials unveiled a new "temporary" office Thursday, tasked with endless deliberations on permanent office locations. The facility features 12 leased desks and a perpetual coffee fund.
Eliza Thorne / Feb 24, 2026
1 min readpoliticsBreaking
Senate Committee Praises Efficiency of 27-Hour Hearing That Produced New Hearing
Lawmakers hailed the hearing as a breakthrough after agreeing to hold another hearing to discuss how quickly this hearing moved.
Nora Bell / Feb 18, 2026
1 min readpolitics
Bipartisan Task Force Forms to Redesign Existing Flag Into Slightly New Existing Flag
Leaders called the redesign effort a unifying moment and promised to preserve every key element while introducing refreshed continuity.
Colin Reade / Jan 29, 2026